Here I am a year later, another adjustment and another upheaval. There has been a lot going on over the last year with the IDOC. They closed a couple prisons and shuffled a lot of inmates around. Blue was supposed to be transferred back in August, but the day he was supposed to be transferred there was an injunction filed from the Correctional Officers' union to stop transfers until there were some meditation between them and the state government. That took a few months to hash out and the union is still not happy, but the state was able to move forward with the closings and transfers.

Blue was finally transferred late last week. I haven't been able to talk to him since Thursday, but I was able to talk to him for a few minutes on Monday. It is now Wednesday and I don't know when I will talk to him again. That builds my anxiety and my stress. Today I am not doing well. I know he is under a lot of stress adjusting to the new prison. He wants to talk to me, but I am sure there are various reasons he isn't able to. I am trying to be patient and wait. We will get back on a calling schedule at some point soon. You get used to talking at certain times every day and now I don't know when I will talk to him.

Having a loved one in prison is so stressful on those who care about them. It is one thing to know about it, but it is something completely different to deal with it. I don't know how families deal with loved ones being locked up for the rest of their lives. Somehow there has to be acceptance, but acceptance is hard to find. Blue has less than 4 yrs (hopefully a lot less once they start sentence crediting) and that is hard to accept. I want to get more involved with those groups that are tied to the prison system in IL, but finding the time is hard. I work 2 jobs and have a daughter to raise. Supporting a loved one in prison is expensive. The state charges so much for so many different things. But I did learn that the extra "profit" from commissary goes into a fund for the inmates to be able to have cable, weight equipment, and other "extra" things for them. So in the grand scheme of things, the extra money I spend does help with a lot of other things for my loved one.

Most of the time I try to figure out how to simplify my life to let some of my other stress out of my life. Most of the time I feel like I am on the verge of an epiphany but can't quite get it. I have been trying to take one day at a time, deal with what I can today. That is a lot harder to do then say. I was texting my best friend about it and she said that I just have a lot to deal with and it is overwhelming. I told her that it seems I should be handling this better than I am, but I am probably expecting too much out of myself. It doesn't help that I am scattered brain to begin with...

Hopefully later today I will be able to talk to Blue and hopefully the calling schedule will be consistent soon. It is amazing how much a simple phone call can make things better.