The Visit
A couple weekends ago I went to visit Blue in his new home. All things considered it was a good visit. We talked about somethings that have been bothering me. He takes things so much better than I do. He has the ability to move past things a lot better than me. I hold onto a lot emotionally. Though it did help me and our relationship talking to him. I have been putting forth the effort to let go of my relationship with my ex-husband. Working on letting go of some of the anger and hurt I have felt for so many years. I am also working past the reason he is in prison. There are questions I would like answered and slowly I am getting those answers. It isn't that he doesn't want to talk about it, but because of the nature of the offense it isn't something we can openly discuss on the phone, in letters, or during visits. Most of what needs to be said and explained will have to wait until he is released. For the most part I understand what happened and why, but at the same time I want to hear it from him.
I know he lives with the regret and shame. It kills him just as much as it kills me that we are separated. Especially when I am the one who will meet his little niece before he will get a chance to. He knows what he is missing. He knows that he made the biggest mistake all in an effort to comfort himself and hurt me. I told him I can forgive almost anything, once. At the end of the day, he realized what I have been telling him from the beginning, I am in for the long haul with him. When everyone is ready to walk away from him, as they have most of his life, I will be the one standing beside him, always.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Thursday, April 4, 2013
April is upon us and it is the time of year I find myself extremely busy. I am going to see Blue for the 1st time at his new "home". It will be a new adventure. It will be a couple hours closer than his last place, but it is still a 10 hour drive. It will still cost about $300 to go see him. I am feeling a little trepidation about going to the new prison. Each one seems to have their own rules, which I guess could be a good thing or a bad thing.
The Assistant Warden called me late last week to discuss my request for extended visitation time and my 1st trip to the prison. He was kind and willing to answer and explain all my questions. I have found when you speak to the prison officials in the prison, they tend be very helpful, or at least as helpful as they can be. I have always received answers to my questions and they are grateful that I am so patient and respectful to them. I have casually joked with many of them while being processed for a visit. It that regard, it has been a good experience. I have witness power ego trips from some guards, but it has only been a couple of times. I do appreciate the professionalism I have experienced while visiting Blue. It makes a scary, anxiety filled experience manageable.
I have been lucky from what I have read by other experiencing similar situation. Some of them I have spoken to personally and I get the impression if you are rude, unreasonable, and not willing to understand the situation, you will get it back from the prison. If you go in with the attitude of "ok, this is your game and I will play by your rules", it is generally a better visit. Granted I am only telling a small part of what prison existence is like day in and day out.
Recently there have been some concerns about the medical care provided to the inmates from the media and families of the incarcerated. I have my own concerns because it reminds me of what "social medical system" is really like. You only get the care that is absolutely necessary and or least expensive to administer. I don't expect much from the prison system in way of medical care again because it is ran by the government, which in of itself is inefficient and wasteful.
None of us individually have all the answers or all the information. From someone just now entering the prison system, it seems there is no easy way of changing anything. The prison system is controlled by laws which is set by legislation. The way the legislation is working as a whole doesn't work for the country as a whole. There are so many different view, needs, and cultural differences that it makes it hard to find a consistent way of running things. Or even making a decision. I personally don't see anything positive coming out of how things are done currently. Too many self interest groups controlling how and which laws are passed. Also there seems to be a lot of reactionary legistration. Compared to comprehensive proactive legislation. We are a huge country that genuinely cares about the community we live in, but not necessary the country has a whole. Based on my education and experiences that is why we created each state to govern themselves. I am could be wrong and I am willing to admit I have miss understood the idea of separate states.
Is it simply a case of not enough voices telling the government what we actually want and need? I don't know. That is for smarter people than me to decide. Or is it? The quiet voice never gets heard even if what they are saying could make the most sense or direct law makers in the correct general direction.
The Assistant Warden called me late last week to discuss my request for extended visitation time and my 1st trip to the prison. He was kind and willing to answer and explain all my questions. I have found when you speak to the prison officials in the prison, they tend be very helpful, or at least as helpful as they can be. I have always received answers to my questions and they are grateful that I am so patient and respectful to them. I have casually joked with many of them while being processed for a visit. It that regard, it has been a good experience. I have witness power ego trips from some guards, but it has only been a couple of times. I do appreciate the professionalism I have experienced while visiting Blue. It makes a scary, anxiety filled experience manageable.
I have been lucky from what I have read by other experiencing similar situation. Some of them I have spoken to personally and I get the impression if you are rude, unreasonable, and not willing to understand the situation, you will get it back from the prison. If you go in with the attitude of "ok, this is your game and I will play by your rules", it is generally a better visit. Granted I am only telling a small part of what prison existence is like day in and day out.
Recently there have been some concerns about the medical care provided to the inmates from the media and families of the incarcerated. I have my own concerns because it reminds me of what "social medical system" is really like. You only get the care that is absolutely necessary and or least expensive to administer. I don't expect much from the prison system in way of medical care again because it is ran by the government, which in of itself is inefficient and wasteful.
None of us individually have all the answers or all the information. From someone just now entering the prison system, it seems there is no easy way of changing anything. The prison system is controlled by laws which is set by legislation. The way the legislation is working as a whole doesn't work for the country as a whole. There are so many different view, needs, and cultural differences that it makes it hard to find a consistent way of running things. Or even making a decision. I personally don't see anything positive coming out of how things are done currently. Too many self interest groups controlling how and which laws are passed. Also there seems to be a lot of reactionary legistration. Compared to comprehensive proactive legislation. We are a huge country that genuinely cares about the community we live in, but not necessary the country has a whole. Based on my education and experiences that is why we created each state to govern themselves. I am could be wrong and I am willing to admit I have miss understood the idea of separate states.
Is it simply a case of not enough voices telling the government what we actually want and need? I don't know. That is for smarter people than me to decide. Or is it? The quiet voice never gets heard even if what they are saying could make the most sense or direct law makers in the correct general direction.
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