The Visit

A couple weekends ago I went to visit Blue in his new home. All things considered it was a good visit. We talked about somethings that have been bothering me. He takes things so much better than I do. He has the ability to move past things a lot better than me.  I hold onto a lot emotionally. Though it did help me and our relationship talking to him. I have been putting forth the effort to let go of my relationship with my ex-husband. Working on letting go of some of the anger and hurt I have felt for so many years. I am also working past the reason he is in prison. There are questions I would like answered and slowly I am getting those answers. It isn't that he doesn't want to talk about it, but because of the nature of the offense it isn't something we can openly discuss on the phone, in letters, or during visits. Most of what needs to be said and explained will have to wait until he is released. For the most part I understand what happened and why, but at the same time I want to hear it from him.
I know he lives with the regret and shame. It kills him just as much as it kills me that we are separated. Especially when I am the one who will meet his little niece before he will get a chance to. He knows what he is missing. He knows that he made the biggest mistake all in an effort to comfort himself and hurt me. I told him I can forgive almost anything, once. At the end of the day, he realized what I have been telling him from the beginning, I am in for the long haul with him. When everyone is ready to walk away from him, as they have most of his life, I will be the one standing beside him, always.